manias

hypomanias make colours have sound. no, wait – rather, they allow me to hear the sounds of a colour; a mania forces me to. hypomanias allow me to see just how slow the world moves. hypomanias allow me to manipulate how many hours are in a day, the distance between two locations, and just how much sleep and fuel my body needs to function.

hypomanias are freedom. they are gifts. they give me allowances, options, hope, excitement, joy. hypomanias are power and possibilities.

but you have to be careful. because hypomanias are the most likely place for you to slide along the lines of mental and emotional stability. when in a depression, you’re stuck there. it’s a bottomless hole down which you just continue to fall forever. every effort – ever attempt at a smile, every phone call made to reach out –, just causes you to fall further, like being stuck in quicksand. you don’t get out of that.

nor do you a mania. it’s a hurricane, a tornado. everything in your head and life are flying around aimless and unchained, and you have no control over what passes through your mind, no control over what your body does, especially to yourself, and you can’t get out of that wins. as it blows everything around, so too does it uproot you. our have no gripping, no balance, and you can’t slow down the tremulous, howling, beastly powers of the poisoned air that suffocates you, and you try to catch your breath, only to fail, over and over and over. you don’t get out of a mania.

in a mania, the stars speak to you, they shun you, they love you, they take pity on you, and they hate you. you drive fast, buy high, eat little, drink lots, talk much, go everywhere, do everyone, be everything, experience it all. because there’s so much of you, so much energy, so much time, so much speed, so much body, so much emotion, so much of YOU. and it has to go somewhere, and you can’t pick a single place for it to go because there’s so much of you so you just go everywhere all the time and it never stops and you never stop but everyone else is slow, why are they all so slow, why can’t any of them every keep up, and you’re flying, and you’re swimming, and in the air, and you’re going, and you turn, and you never stop, and you just keep going forever and ever because you have to because you have no choice because that is what you have to do during a mania because that is all you have is the going.

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