no Spoons today

it’s a bad day for my HeadSpace.

I’ve been sleeping so poorly recently.  I mean, whether I stay up late or go to bed early, I always feel awesome the next morning.  and during the weekends, I try to catch up by sleeping in.  yet still, I awake so exhausted the next morning.  moreover, I can’t be getting up early to workout if I’m not getting any rest.  this is frustrating.

and my Depression is overwhelming again.  I think it’s getting worse because of my lack of sleep … and because I keep forgetting to take my medication.

I’m so hopeless.  and like, I want to hang out with Daminelle, Kiera, Billie, Jenna, and Sheila.  I see posts all the time about different ones of them getting together.  but I can’t hardly even manage to get to work.  this past Friday and the Thursday before that, I called in sick.  it’s not like it’s from a hangover or anything, either.  it’s just that I can’t manage to be awake; I can’t handle dealing with students and coworkers.

speaking of drinking, I’ve been doing well about cutting back.  still drinking more than I should be; but it’s much better already.  and it’s only going to improve.

like, it’s getting real bad again.  I see my psychiatrist next Thursday.  so I just have to make it that long.  then my next sleep doc appointment isn’t until December; so I may move that up sooner.

I don’t even wanna go to the WWE Raw showing tonight.  can I just stay home and watch it on tv??  I don’t want to be in a crowd.  I don’t want to be around anyone.  I don’t want to have to be “On” and social.  I don’t think I can do it today.  I mean, I’m going.  but I just won’t be playing any Pretend tonight.



speaking of Pretending, I have to start preparing my game face.  I’m teaching later today.  we’re going over the structure of a typical essay.  then we’re going to review what a Narrative Essay entails.  normally I’m bubbly in class.  but that’s not what they’re going to be getting today, sorry guys.  :/



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