“5 Things Nobody Tells You About Quitting Drinking” (via Cracked.com)

5 Things Nobody Tells You About Quitting Drinking” is a beautifully informative and hilarious article written by the wonderful John Cheese.  for anyone who’s wanting to support my efforts of going clean, I suggest you read it.  for the lazy folk, I’ve provided a summary with excerpts below, as well as my personal comments.



5]  The Stench: “How bad is it? Another Cracked writer on the wagon (who posts as Yowhound) was actually kicked off of a public bus because of this … in Europe.”

4]  The Nightmares:  “That’s when you get some of the most frequent and realistic nightmares you’ve ever experienced. Intense feelings of dread and anxiety thump through your sleeping mind, as if the stench demon decided to drift into your cerebral cortex.”

3]  The Poop:  “The point being, have you ever shit an antler? Because that’s what it feels like. The intestines extract an insane amount of water from your feces, leaving you with a bowel full of granite.”

2]  The Urge to Murder:  “The smallest things would irritate me into a full-blown rage. Little annoyances, like the person who was sitting at the same picnic table as me who wouldn’t stop tapping his leg up and down, shaking the whole contraption. I wanted get a gun and murder him and all of the other people in the world who had failed to murder him up to that point.”

1]  The Blissful High:  “For a few days after a person becomes completely detoxed, his body will get an unexpected dose of oxygen, real food and natural chemicals that will put him on a natural high. It’s just a symptom, just like the pooping, and likewise it won’t last. Truthfully, you don’t want it to.”


my comments:

5]  The Stench: well, this will be just great.  I already get the sweats at nights because of my meds.  now I’ll just have them all day.

4]  The Nightmares:  I’m not worried about the nightmares as much as the insomnia.  I already have nightmares; how much worse can it get, really?  and drinking would help me sleep more than any meds have.

3]  The Poop:  I can vouch for this.  during my past attempts to dry up some, I noticed a harden of it.  ugh, the pain.

2]  The Urge to Murder:  great.  I’m going to be even more irritable and pissed off than usual.  this is one reason I’m cancelling almost every social event I have planned in the near future.

1]  The Blissful High:  well, I’m not feeling it yet.  I’m just feeling cravings and urges and desires and anger and resentment and guilt.  no “blissful high” here.  :/


John Cheese has other great articles on addictions and sobriety.  Here’s two more and their points:

  • 7 Things You Don’t Know About Addiction (Unless You Quit)
    • Alcohol Turns You into George Lucas
    • You Will Lose Most of Your Friends
    • Current Alcoholics Just Piss You Off
    • Boredom Changes Everything
    • Any Conversation About Alcohol Is Now Awkward
    • You Are Not Prepared for the Guilt
    • You Will Still Have Cravings Like It Was Day One Again
  • 5 Things I Learned About Addiction After 5 Years Sober
    • The Addicted Min Searches for Anything to Be Addicted To
    • People Only Accept Your Commitment After a Certain Amount of Time
    • People Want You to Diagnose Them
    • It’s Easy to Burn Out on Your Hobbies
    • When People Stop Giving a Shit, It’s a Good Thing

2 thoughts on ““5 Things Nobody Tells You About Quitting Drinking” (via Cracked.com)

  1. This is great for the loved ones of alcoholics to read, as well. I have a loved one who is a recovering alcoholic (sober for several years now) and it’s been an emotional ride for all of us, but I think sometimes we forget how hard it has been for HER. You know what I mean? The people around an alcoholic feel angry, hurt, sometimes even abused, but when that person gets clean, they have to deal with a pile of really shitty emotions and the way they used to deal with them is no longer an option. Getting clean is HARD. Thanks for posting your summary points!


    • gah, exactly! I’m in rehab right now, and all the things that are boiling to the surface make me want to jump off a cliff. that’s one thing I mentioned in Group last week — “just as much as you [our loved ones] are feeling disappointed in and hurt from us, know that we’ve already probably beat ourselves up ten times over from what you’re doing. no one hates themself more than their own self; that’s just as true — if not more so — for addicts.”


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