Ok, so these jokes aren’t created by me, but they are extremely funny and made my night (yes I’m still awake, geez I love insomnia).
How many Bipolar People does it take to change a light-bulb?
It depends on what mood they’re in.
Just because everyone’s out to get me doesn’t mean I’m not paranoid.
Instead of a sign that says “Do Not Disturb” I need one that says “Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution.”
Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline!
- If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly, being certain to touch the table and counting to 10 between each press.
- If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship. ??If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are Manic-Depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press since no one will answer.
- If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
You Know You’re Bipolar If:
- What do you mean you’re tired—I had only 3 orgasms!
- You know the names of at least three antidepressants and fifteen
- You bring your own research to the doctor’s.
- Last night you understood the secrets to the universe and this
morning you are contemplating whether the jam goes on top of the
peanut butter or under it.