~REBLOGGED~ Bipolar Jokes

stolen from “Bipolar Jokes” at My Wonderland.


 

Ok, so these jokes aren’t created by me, but they are extremely funny and made my night (yes I’m still awake, geez I love insomnia).

How many Bipolar People does it take to change a light-bulb?
It depends on what mood they’re in.
——————————————————————————–
Just because everyone’s out to get me doesn’t mean I’m not paranoid.
——————————————————————————-
Instead of a sign that says “Do Not Disturb” I need one that says “Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution.”

 Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline!

  • If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly, being certain to touch the table and counting to 10 between each press.
  • If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
  • If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
  • If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship. ??If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
  • If you are Manic-Depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press since no one will answer.
  • If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

You Know You’re Bipolar If:

  • What do you mean you’re tired—I had only 3 orgasms!
  • You know the names of at least three antidepressants and fifteen
    mood stabilizers.
  • You bring your own research to the doctor’s.
  • Last night you understood the secrets to the universe and this
    morning you are contemplating whether the jam goes on top of the
    peanut butter or under it.
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