not Enough

I’ve not ruined my life enough to be an addict.
I don’t drink enough to be an alcoholic.
I don’t binge, purge, or restrict enough to have an eating disorder.
I don’t cry enough to have depression.
I don’t cycle enough to be bipolar.
I don’t have enough attacks to have anxiety.
I don’t count or wash enough to be OC.
I don’t reach out enough to be Borderline.
I don’t try hard enough to be Better.
I don’t exercise enough to be a fit freak.
I don’t volunteer enough to be selfless.
I don’t push enough to be a leader.
I don’t get distracted enough to have ADHD.
I don’t play enough to be a gamer.
I’m not tough enough to be a tomboy.
I’m not erratic enough to be insane.
I’m not stable enough to survive.

I don’t fit in; I don’t belong.

I’m just not Enough of anything.

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One thought on “not Enough

  1. Half of those things you’re not supposed to be trying to fit into anyway! Addict, alcoholic, depressed, bipolar, eating disorder, anxious, OCD, borderline, ADHD, insane. No one wants be those things. You cope with being those things. The rest? You and your parents have always pushed you hard. And the results are good … until they’re not. Until you look at yourself and all you see is deficiencies. Until you start hurting yourself or others to meet the impossibly high standards.

    You’re good enough to be my friend. And good enough for a lot more too. You are better at a lot of things than a lot of people. I don’t actually know how much you exercise, but I bet you’re meeting or exceeding AHA guidelines (http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/GettingHealthy/PhysicalActivity/FitnessBasics/American-Heart-Association-Recommendations-for-Physical-Activity-in-Adults_UCM_307976_Article.jsp) and probably just about every other health organization you can think of. And saying you don’t volunteer enough is like saying we don’t spend enough on our military. LOL You volunteer more than anyone I know. More than several people combined. And it’s volunteering. It’s not actually mandatory. And you’re not a leader? Go back to the “my life is not my own” rant, where you said that you were always a leader, always the club president, always the planner. Argument made! Gaming … yeah, you game less than you used to. We all do. I didn’t realize you had to meet quotas to be a gamer though. I thought you just had to be interested in games. You’re not tough enough to be a tomboy?! Who the fuck is then?! Please point that individual out to me. I’d like to see that. Apparently I’ve been sorely misled.

    “I’m not stable enough to survive.” You’ve been wrong so far. I hope you stay wrong. I hope you dance at my wedding and speak at my funeral (because you outlived me because you ate better, had a better social network, and exercised more). I hope I dance at your wedding and never see your funeral. I hope we’re there for each other for everything right up until my funeral. Maybe not on a daily basis, but at least on an as needed basis.

    You’re good enough for all of that. And for chasing dreams and pursuing happiness at a dead run, unless your knee goes wonky. LOL For having your own life and passions.

    Like

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