so. I made a budget for 2015. and I’m going to be needing to get a second job. but I can’t look for once until after Feb 10th (my court date), in case I have to do jail time.
“[…] in case I have to do jail time.” did I really just type those words?
I’m a goody-two-shoes. I didn’t have my first drink until I was 21. I didn’t even start using profanity until my senior year. I never snuck out of the house. I graduated both high school and college with at least a 3.5. I was in Gifted & Talented in grad school and Honours in college. I was an officer, including presidency, of countless clubs and organizations throughout the years. I volunteer with an animal shelter and with Frontier Girls. I’ve never been fired from a job. I’ve always been promoted at the jobs I’ve had.
I mean, what the fuck. I’m of above average intelligence, of average attractiveness, very likeable, greatly admired, incredibly creative, determined, a hard worker, etc.
I mean, really. I’m 28 years old, and I’m still barely surviving off ramen and I might be going to jail for who knows how long. none of this makes any fucking sense to me.
that cliche question of “how did this happen [to me]?” is haunting my mind right now.
when did I become an alcoholic? when did it get this bad? why did I allow myself a second DUI? why didn’t I learn my goddamn lesson after the first one?
and how can I make amends? how can I fix this? I know I can’t make it “disappear”. but how can I at least get past it all.
I’m making the least amount of money at this job that I’ve ever made in my life. I’m in awful fitness health. I can’t even afford my required medications.