man, I am so behind. the rest of the world is on “R”, and I’m still not even to the tenth letter of the alphabet. blah.
April 2015’s Blogging A to Z:
I don’t like failing; I don’t like losing. I’ll sooner quit than fail. I know many people see these two things as analogous. but really, that depends on what your end-goal is in a given situation.
grad school, for example. I enrolled in grad school for the Fall 2013 semester. by Summer 2014, I was no longer a student. I was taking online courses with a physical school; so despite the nature of the courses, many instructors were still expecting me to travel to their facilities. it was proving to be impossible to manage that, my depression, and a full-time job, all while trying to keep Brian on his game about getting his PhD. and I couldn’t do it. I cracked. I wasn’t good enough, or maybe I didn’t try hard enough. or I don’t know. but I withdrew.
I don’t give up often. but that’s because I’m usually pretty good about not starting a game I’m not pretty sure I won’t win. it’s not often that I enter into something unsure of success.
I still remember what a friend told me once: that I needed to leave Lafayette to learn what it’s like to have to try, because I’ve always been “the big fish in a little pond”. I think I like it like that. I think I have to struggle so much to just exist, that having to struggle to succeed is just too much.
speaking of “too much”, my court date is soon. so we’ll see just what else in life I’ll be giving up — and possible it, itself.