April 2015’s Blogging A to Z:
Brian is convinced I’m a slight kleptomaniac. I disagree. in fact, I’m going to tell you about what kleptomania is, and then I’ll compare it to my habits. and then I’ll email him a copy of this post as defense.
the DSM-V is the current bible-equivalent for psychologists, psychiatrists, and everyone one else who throws mind-fucked labels at you. and, much like the the religious Bible, it’s an excellent foundation that can point you in a good direction and with a sufficient-enough approach, but it really can’t be applied to every fucking specific case that ever existed. however, as stated, it’s a great starting point.
anyway. the DSM-V categorizes kleptomania with the “disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders”. kleptomania specifically means there is an impulse or urge to steal things that, typically, a person doesn’t even fucking need or want. sure, many people have thoughts cross their mind like, “ooh, it would be so easy to just knick that wallet; no one would notice.” but they don’t do it. a klepto often does. sometimes, a person won’t steal because they’ve considered the consequences, and it’s just not worth it. but for a klepto, they take the shit after realizing the trouble it could cause and while knowing they don’t need the damn item.
because mental disorders are lonely blokes, comorbidity is common. kleptos often also have eating disorders, anxiety disorder, personality disorders, OCD, and bipolar disorder. the depression-suicide side of being a nutbag isn’t as prevalent in kleptos, unless their kleptomania (or other comorbid beast) is causing them serious distress in their lives; apparently the k-mania itself isn’t usually a cause.
but anyway. it, and pyromania, used to be their own classification. then, in the DSM-V, the ol’ boys got together and revamped it so that both are now just hanging out with the other “we don’t behave correctly in society” disorders, like oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder (which I think all cats have), the callous specifier, etc.
basically, it plays out like this: “holy fuck, I need to take this item. not because there’s voices telling me to or because I need the item. I just need to have the act of taking it.” ::item is taken:: “aaaah, that’s better. ….well fuck, now what do I do with this shit?”
to get help, you undergo cognitive-behavioral therapy, undergo rational-emotive therapy, or sometimes take anxiety-reducing medication (apparently fluoxetine and naltrexone are favourites). other than that, there’s not much research done on the matter.
so, as aforementioned, this post was originally planned to encourage me to do some deep research into the disorder, thereby finding facts that would support my argument that I’m not a kleptomaniac — that I just like taking petty things because it makes me feel good and is usually harmless, and that it eases the anxiety I would otherwise have if I didn’t take it. then I read that there’s no real numerical check-list or classification system I can use to disprove his argument; but instead, they just described me.
so the next time I take a street sign (I have several), traffic cone (I have three), a street light (two), broken furniture on the side of the road that’s obviously meant for the dumpster, possibly-full bottle of fuel sitting in the grass meant for a BBQ grill I don’t even own, abandoned bikes by trashcans, and other things maaaaaybe I should just let alone — I think I won’t even mention to Brian the inclination to knick said items. I mean, I’m not saying I won’t go back afterwards and get them. I just think I won’t let him know. also, I don’t think I’ll be emailing this post to him afterall, lol.