a2z: Kleptomania

April 2015’s Blogging A to Z:


Brian is convinced I’m a slight kleptomaniac.  I disagree.  in fact, I’m going to tell you about what kleptomania is, and then I’ll compare it to my habits.  and then I’ll email him a copy of this post as defense.

the DSM-V is the current bible-equivalent for psychologists, psychiatrists, and everyone one else who throws mind-fucked labels at you.  and, much like the the religious Bible, it’s an excellent foundation that can point you in a good direction and with a sufficient-enough approach, but it really can’t be applied to every fucking specific case that ever existed.  however, as stated, it’s a great starting point.

anyway.  the DSM-V categorizes kleptomania with the “disruptive, impulse control, and conduct disorders”.  kleptomania specifically means there is an impulse or urge to steal things that, typically, a person doesn’t even fucking need or want.  sure, many people have thoughts cross their mind like, “ooh, it would be so easy to just knick that wallet; no one would notice.”  but they don’t do it.  a klepto often does.  sometimes, a person won’t steal because they’ve considered the consequences, and it’s just not worth it.  but for a klepto, they take the shit after realizing the trouble it could cause and while knowing they don’t need the damn item.

because mental disorders are lonely blokes, comorbidity is common.  kleptos often also have eating disorders, anxiety disorder, personality disorders, OCD, and bipolar disorder.  the depression-suicide side of being a nutbag isn’t as prevalent in kleptos, unless their kleptomania (or other comorbid beast) is causing them serious distress in their lives; apparently the k-mania itself isn’t usually a cause.

but anyway.  it, and pyromania, used to be their own classification.  then, in the DSM-V, the ol’ boys got together and revamped it so that both are now just hanging out with the other “we don’t behave correctly in society” disorders, like oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder (which I think all cats have), the callous specifier, etc.

basically, it plays out like this:  “holy fuck, I need to take this item.  not because there’s voices telling me to or because I need the item.  I just need to have the act of taking it.”  ::item is taken::  “aaaah, that’s better.  ….well fuck, now what do I do with this shit?”

to get help, you undergo cognitive-behavioral therapy, undergo rational-emotive therapy, or sometimes take anxiety-reducing medication (apparently fluoxetine and naltrexone are favourites).  other than that, there’s not much research done on the matter.

so, as aforementioned, this post was originally planned to encourage me to do some deep research into the disorder, thereby finding facts that would support my argument that I’m not a kleptomaniac — that I just like taking petty things because it makes me feel good and is usually harmless, and that it eases the anxiety I would otherwise have if I didn’t take it.  then I read that there’s no real numerical check-list or classification system I can use to disprove his argument; but instead, they just described me.


so the next time I take a street sign (I have several), traffic cone (I have three), a street light (two), broken furniture on the side of the road that’s obviously meant for the dumpster, possibly-full bottle of fuel sitting in the grass meant for a BBQ grill I don’t even own, abandoned bikes by trashcans, and other things maaaaaybe I should just let alone — I think I won’t even mention to Brian the inclination to knick said items.  I mean, I’m not saying I won’t go back afterwards and get them.  I just think I won’t let him know.  :/  also, I don’t think I’ll be emailing this post to him afterall, lol.




7 thoughts on “a2z: Kleptomania

  1. You’re funny. Having an obsessive need to take things, well not so much. I have a first cousin who stayed with us for a few days. When I got home from work one day – after hearing about how she was a kleptomaniac – I decided to check her suitcase and found like half my closet at the very bottom of her suitcase, folded neatly. Needless to say I went right to the hardware store, bought a lock and put a fucking lock on my bedroom door. I hope you don’t find this comment offensive. It wasn’t you who took half my wardrobe. Thanks for being so honest.


    • no, absolutely not!! and to be honest, I’m not a “real” klepto. I’m a “klepto” like many people are “OCD” — I have VERY STRONG symptoms, but nothing so strong it needs to be medicated. the few times it risked getting me caused by cops, I backed out; and I rarely feel the need to have to do it to a friend.

      …..thooooooooooooohugh. I did have a friend, who’s place when I cleaned, we agreed anything under 25 cents I found was mine — including coins, beads, charms, etc. but anything that might value more than a quarter, I agreed to hand it over. having a spoken agreement kept me honest and true, and I never jacked from her.

      I can say I never stolen from a friend — but I may have acquired things lost in couches and trash cans ….. because they were never going to find them again anyway.

      and I still feel somewhat bad for it all, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha. Awesome. Love that under 25 cents is up for grabs but any thing over is taboo. I think I’ve kept books that I’ve borrowed from friends and maybe CD’s, but I guess I’m boring in that department. Ohh I might have “stolen” love interests from friends. Not actual boyfriends..even before the first date happens…that’s the fucked up bipolar hypersexuality…and hypomania and just wanting to be wanted. I’m too old for that shit now. Plus, I’m married.


  2. well, I used to be “the cleaner” for many of my friends — I’d come through and find important paperwork regarding school, grades, homework, etc. — I was like a fucking villain in a Marvel/DC universe, except nothing I did was illegal, lol. so of course I got “paid”, lol. free food from the mom and dad — was to be expected, as the friend –, but the actual kid gave me his/her change, as I found it. and because I (honestly) always gave back more than a quarter, that was the limit. but DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN, did those kids lose dimes and nickles. for a little person, I made my fair share, lol!!!

    I’m iffy about borrowing. I kept a list of borrowed items. if I loan sometime to someone else, it’s because it MEANS sometimes between me and them — and I see similar in the other fashion, so I’m cautious of that. as such, I don’t take borrowing lightly. therefore, I don’t borrow lightly — I won’t take someone’s disc (i.e.) that they never expect or even need to get back, just out of principle — which actually sometimes pisses them off, lol. (I’d rather them get pissed I don’t borrow and never hear, then borrow and hear and never return.)

    wow. okay. that’s all of the alcohol talking. back to YOUR topic.

    so, La Sab (as is your name in my mind, #JustSaying), what you TAKE. not borrow, not steal — just TAKE and keep — for YOU. ????


  3. I’m a borderline klepto though I can usually manage to keep it down to small items in restaurants and pens. I had the cops called on me when I stole clothes from a school “friend” once. I thoroughly understand though I”ve never stolen a street sign or traffic cone


  4. well, I try not to knick (as I prefer to say, lol) steal from people or specific companies. from the generic government, sure! and strangers –depends on the item and situation.

    after having done some research, however, I’ve noticed this patterns and triggers. I haven’t really knicked but one thing since this entry, so it’s helped. 🙂


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