mental status

I need to copy all these posts I’m making to her from my cell onto my LiveJournal and DreamWidth accounts. meh.

so. how has the Feelings-portion of my Brain been lately? shitty.


as aforementioned in a previous post, I tool my arms and legs up pretty bad a few nights back. well, though it’s technically “fall”, it was 91° at 8pm down here — it’s fucking hot. so wearing the long sleeves and jeans for a week is going to suck more than I expected.

I mean, I don’t know what I thought when I did it. literally. I was just distraught and hopeless. the fact that I would be soon seeing my parents in warm weather was nowhere on my mind. so, I guess, I know what I wasn’t thinking….

and then this whole still-being-unemployed-after-almost-three-months business is not fucking helping any. I’m very concerned that I’m going to have to get an awful sales or shitty retail job for a long while. it’s very discouraging.

meanwhile, I haven’t been sleeping well at all, nor am I working out and eating healthily. I was out of distilled water for my C-PAP for a while; I’m out of both of my sleeping medications; the bite guard I bought molded incorrectly; and my back and neck are hurting so much most nights I lie awake for multiple hours stirring and writhing in pain, only to wake up withing thirty-to-fourty minutes later to do it all over again. it’s torturous.

and as aforementioned, my other health is lacking. because I don’t get any actual rest when I sleep, I can’t manage to wake at a decent hour; and when I finally do wake, I do so exhausted and already defeated — which, therein, results in my inability to muster the necessary energy to job hunt, work out, or sometimes even eat.

and all of this physical decline of my health only increases the emotional decline, therein perpetrating further declines of … well, basically everything.

but now, it is nigh 1an, and I need sleep.

I suppose I’ll try to post tomorrow evening about court….

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