why did I start this blog? what is my purpose in trying to post at least twice a week, in trying to collect a wide base of readers and fellow bloggers? who am I to share this information, describe these experiences?
why am I writing?
I started a LiveJournal account back in … damn, May 2003. I was pretty religious in my posting for many, many years. I had almost 3k posts, with over 10,500 comments from others. I still post on it sporadically. but that was a journal. I want this to be more.
I want to not only share my experiences regarding my mental disorders, my addictions, and my other physical and emotional struggles. however, I also want to share my fandoms of games, movies, shows, and books. I want people from home to learn of my adventures here in the north; and I want northerns to read about my transition to the “great white north” (lol).
but most importantly, I want to spread the knowledge of mental health and destroy the stigmas about those of us who don’t necessarily have all or our screws fully attached. I want to give the same strength and inspiration to people that fellow bloggers and authors do — Jenny Lawson, Ellen Hopkins, Marya Hornbacher, Kay Redfield Jamison, Steven Levenkron, Natasha Friend, and countless others.
so I guess that’s the why.
who the fuck am I?
my name is James. I’m a (as of Jan 2016) 29-year-old female. in August 2015, I moved from deep southern Louisiana up to Minneapolism Minnesota when my boyfriend of five years got a job after earning his graduate degree. I’ve had a wide range of jobs and experiences in the past — college campus security guard, heliport manager, writer, comic artist, professional photographer, bookseller, manager, dock worker, stable hand, librarian, Japanese-expo convention staff, countless and varied volunteer work, et cetera et cetera. but among this all, I’ve struggled with intense mental and emotional disorders, as well as a generally broken and malfunctioning physical body. (see Christine Miserandino’s “Spoon Theory” to see how closely those two kinds of ailments are interrelated.)
I suppose I could list my more dominant and overpowering struggles:
- adult ADHD
- bipolar I/manic depression
- cervical hypolordosis & lumbar lordosis (spinal issues)
- convulsive syncope (stroke-like event)
- severe floating meniscus (in both knees)
- generalized anxiety
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- self-injury (mainly cutting, bruising, and starving)
- many sleeping disorders (including insomnia, rapid eye movement behaviour disorder, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, hyperactive REM, etc.)
- many minor-to-moderate issues (such as: eating disorder, asthma, borderline personality, kleptomaniac tendencies, etc.)
- and other fun shit I’m too lazy to think up and list
I’ve been going to counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, chiropractors, specialists, and a ton of other people who stick random letters behind their name, suggesting they can figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. of course, they are rarely successful; but it’s taught me to look for ways to “make things better” rather than find a “solution” or something. ::shrugs::
I also have friends who have suffered some of the above, as well as things with which I was previously familiar before befriending them. hell, my boyfriend with whom I lived for a year or so was a legit paranoid-schizophrenic — that was a rough ride!
on the fun side of life, I’m a nerd. I’m a scholar, I’m curious, and I love information and learning. I’m a fan of teen and young adult media, as well as science fiction, fantasy, drama, action/adventure, horror, and just fucking obscure or meta. as aforementioned, I was even on staff many years for Louisiana’s largest and longest-running weekend-long anime convention. I’m an avid reader, but also a heavy video gamer. I love cars, motorcycles, technology, and other machines. I also like to dress up once in a while, or just feel kinda pretty and “fancy as fuck”, as my friends have said over the years. I’m an adrenaline junkie who will climb to the top and jump, or go as fast as physically possible; I love the outdoors, and the sun revives me like almost nothing else. I’m a Crazy Cat Lady in progress, but I also love all animals (except ants — fuck ants!). really, I dabble in everything — a Jill-of-All-Trades, if you will.
so that’s me. ::shrugs::
I’m a female nerd in my late-twenties who’s really fucking up in the head and has a broken body — and this blog is me sharing my Story with the world.