I do not have to have permission to be happy.

it’s been a while, sorry.

things have been rough.

but I haven’t cut.
and I only relapsed on drinking once.

I had horribly nightmares Fri nite/Sat morn.
awoke with consuming self-hatred.
promised myself Saturday night, I would go to bed feeling accomplished and worth-while.

I failed.

I’m depressed, hopeless, pathetic, a failure, a disappointment, and in a generally crappy mindset.

but this stupid sobriety app I have on my phone was all like, “congrats on day X of your sobriety.”
so I clicked it.
and I read a few of their little attempts-to-encourage-you-with-fluffy-bullshit.

but I did appreciate the one below.
so I’m sharing it.

Do You Need Permission to Feel Good

“I ‘shoulda’ done that… If only I ‘woulda’ done that…That ‘coulda’ happened, but didn’t…My mother in law, wife, children are a mess…I’m not as rich, good looking, fast enough as I expected…My license is suspended. I’m too fat, thin, and strange.” Even if you have failed at everything and life is not what you want it to be, you still do not have to be miserable or hopeless. The end of misery begins when you realize that you do not have to give yourself permission to feel good. In other words, you do not have to reach a certain standard to allow yourself to feel OK. Nevertheless, if you feel bad because of your using or drinking history, you need to change.

Say, “I’m not guilty, not ashamed today.” Forgive yourself and celebrate sobriety. Repeat the following five times: “Even if I totally fail in life, I unconditionally love and accept myself and God does too.” Then just do the next right thing.

shared via “SoberTool App”

// mobile post via my screen-cracked Android \\

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