predictability of Self

one of the things I find myself hating the most about my particular combination of Crazies is that I never really know who I am going to be at any given moment.

Brian says that sleep “resets” him.  when he wakes the next day, his mood and minddset are typically returned to a realitively consistant state of normalacy.  and this reset happens most every time.

meanwhile, I don’t know who I am going to be sometimes from mere hour-to-hour — much less a whole fucking day later.

it makes planning hard and predictibility and consistency impossible.  I may schedulebto hang out with friends three days from now, only to wake and be absolutely horrified of the world and social interactions.

《~ posted via mobile device ~》

6 thoughts on “predictability of Self

  1. I don’t know if this will help, but no matter what capacities, personality, and quirks you have from moment to moment, day to day, you will always be the person I love. That remains constant. You can always plan on having someone who understands, someone who accepts that the plans you’ve made are not what you need right now, and who supports you in doing what you need, over what you hoped you would want in advance.

    It sucks to be afraid of who you might wake up to be. I’ve been there, knowing at breakfast, that I can’t plan for lunch because I don’t know if I will spend the morning quivering in the bathroom, or pining for contact with anyone who might actually see me. Even now, I don’t know who will wake up in the morning, Dr. Jekyll, or Mr. Hyde, Sherlock Holmes, or Moriarty, Jack the Ripper, or one of his victims.

    Liked by 1 person

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