I went to the therapist again last night. she suggested I need more fun and small adventures in my life. no shit. but it was that she directly and specificly told Brian that he needs to take a little more initive in finding things to do. I feel less bad about having requested similar recently.
I’m also supposed to start moving again. like, even just a 10min walk in morning. but I can’t even get up to shower before work on some days. how the fuck am I supposed tobget up earlier and be active. ::le sigh::
I just don’t know how to do it. I know what to do; but I don’t know how to get the energy or desire for this.
I admitted to Brian and my therapist last night that I’m getting to the point where I would prefer things to worsenso that it can be bad enough that suicide would be at least partially justifiable. I mean, no one would forgive me, I know. but at least a few people would be like, “yeah, things were the worsenthey ever werenfor her”. and at least maybe I won’t change my mind part of the way through it….
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