final day at work

tomorrow is my last day.  Brian and I had a good talk again over the weekend about what to do regarding my working this week.  I wasn’t honest at first; I should have been more adamant about how this was wearing me thin, about how difficult it was making being alive.  when he directly asked me, “can you not make it until Friday?”, I should’ve been honest and said, “no, I can’t.”  but I didn’t.  I just kept dancing around the question: “I don’t have a choice”, “I guess I have to”, “I’ll figure something out”, etc.  eventually, he just called my bluff, and told me to make Tuesday my last day.  I fought back a bit at first, out of stubborn principal.  but when we both calmed down and really started looking at all the variables in play this week, not just the long-term ones, we decided this was a better decision.  sure, that’s about $200 we’re gonna be out; but I can’t make it until Friday.

I hate people think someone’s priorities are in automatically in accordance with their own.
“I’m quitting my job.”
“why?”
“because I’m not happy, and I want something different”
“yeah, but what about –“ “—the money?” “—the time you already put in?” “—just moving up in the ranks?” OR “work isn’t supposed to make you happy.” AND “having a job you don’t like is part of being an adult.”

those last ones.  about how it’s expected that you’re supposed to dislike your work.  my last name is “Parker”, and ages ago, that may have been I was destined to relocate other people’s carriages or car.  but this is not that time anymore.  not only *great people* can achieve greatness; and Greatness has an wide range of possibilities.

for me, I want to be in a laid back environment where people work hard.  I want to be challenged.  and I want only small-to-medium interactions with the customers.  I want to work behind the scenes.  I want to have a new problem to solve every day.  I want to be able to apply my own style and approaches to solve complex problems.

and I wanna meet (and punch) any motherfuck who says I deserve otherwise.  if YOU want to sit and be miserable in your job, then fine.  sure, I can’t just wave a wand and make it appear.  but also spending all my time at a job I hate isn’t going to help me find one I like, or maybe even love.  I won’t FIND something if I’m not LOOKING for it.

that’s not to say good opportunities won’t just present themselves with little-to-no cause of your own.  however, I’m not gonna bet on that horse.

instead, I’m RIDING the fucking horse that’s finding an awesome job that I enjoy.
….okay, so that metaphor started to get away from me; sorry.

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