hello, hello. I’m still up and running — albeit, barely. so here’s an update on my life recently.
work at the law firm is going the same as usual. I feel like I should be doing a better job at everything. but then I don’t have the energy to go above-and-beyond as I normally do. so I just sit and mope.
the fun story about my recent employment is how I worked security for the Super Bowl this past weekend. I was outside for over 17 hours in the freezing cold with minimal breaks. I did get to go into the stadium at one point and see both the very end of the halftime show plus the start of the third quarter. it was cool. I was stationed at a Talent Entrance, so I saw people like Kelly Clarkson.
my favourite part, however, was when everyone was exiting the stadium campus and SEAN PAYTON (Saints head coach) CROSSED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. he was so close, I could have kissed him on the cheek. I seriously, legit swooned for a moment, lol.
oh yeah, and I get paid for all of it. 😀
I want to do the Polar Plunge this year. it’s in March, so it will have warmed up some. I have a friend who may be willing to do it with me. and Brian said he would be there to watch and support.
no, I haven’t started back into grad school. I have decided, however, that I need to start looking into strictly online schools. so that even if I move, maybe I can still stay enrolled and such. so that’s a new project soon to be started.
Brian is still running Scion. I am supposed to start a Silver Age Sentinels campaign soon — wherein the players are villains instead of heroes.
I’m active in the Twin Cities NaNo group on Discord. hopefully, I will start writing again soon.
so as of sometime at the end of Jan, my probation from my DUI ended. I can technically go into bars and the like again. I’m allowed to drink and be a normal adult. Brian pointed this out to me — I’m not sure why; I guess just because he likes sharing information and facts, not matter the consequences?
but it doesn’t matter to me. my behaviour won’t change much. I will still have a few drinks here or there. I just have to keep it in check.
I’ve wanted to cut a lot lately. it’s due to my Mind being utter chaos. cutting always straightened me out; put my head back on in the correct direction, allowing me to get shit done. but without cutting, I just sit in the windfall of disaster and panic in my Head and I drown.
I’ve been not eating again. a lot. but I’ve been losing weight, so that’s nice.
…despite not doing my kickboxing. I mean, I have not been to a gym in over a month. wtf? I keep having panic attacks everytime I try.
but I’m going to try again tomorrow morning, I think. and I may allow myself to pinch or something if I have to. nothing serious, of course. but something just enough to pull me out of whatever Fit I may end up falling into. sometimes, even just knowing that’s an option helps….
as was previously expressed, I’m not doing well in the Head. between the depression-side of my bipolar and my S.A.D., I’m really falling apart. I’m hopeless, goalless, aimless, and careless. I have no suspicion that anything will improve, and I hate existence in its entirety.
things are pretty good between us. he’s been doing a good job of taking care of me. I can see it’s wearing on him, though. I need to get better — if for nothing else than his sake.
Staying in Minnesota
rumour has it Brian is making other plans than the original “stay here for five years”. but I’m not getting my hopes. we’ve already been here 2.5 years. so I’m expecting another three or four, just to be on the safe side.
though Brian and I both understand that I may not last here that long….