things were falling apart in October and November. really glad they’re over.
December is rolling out and is … so-so. I’m seeing a few bad habits trickling in as stress management for everything.
not drinking though. still clean on that. the difference from other times is that I legit wanted to be done with it. I was doing it for me, not because someone else told me too. and that’s made all the difference.
I miss the culture associated with drinking. but I don’t miss who I was when I drank. so it works out.
my psych wants me to go to an ED clinc (eating disorder clinic). I’m doing a good enough job of not letting it control me, but rather just influence me. so we’ll see.
going to a clinic means fully admitting that it’s true. by not going, I can keep pretending I don’t have a problem, right?
also part of me is tied into the “I’m too fat to have an ED” lie. I know it’s not entirely true (second have, at least), but it’s nice to hold onto while I obsess and have freak outs.
grocery shopping has gotten hard. legit started crying in the store a few weeks back because I just couldn’t function. so yeah, there’s that.
Brian’s still running a pre-made D&D campaign for Ada (his bro), my mum, and me. we’re having fun. some nights, I’m stressed out by it; other nights, I really enjoy it. yay being crazy.
I’m trying to arrange stuff to do outside … in the snow. everyone says being in the element more assists in tolerating it. so I’m trying that tactic this year.
I really want to do the Polar Plunge this year. it’s “a series of events where people jump into a frozen lake to support Special Olympics Minnesota”. you raise or donate $50-$75 to be able to jump. the main one is in Minneapolis, and it’s the on I’d probably end up going to. tough there’s the Maple Grove one that a not going to be as busy and isn’t a horrible drive.
anyway. the drop is supposedly just wait deep, so my head shouldn’t be underwater too long, and I won’t really have the chance to drown, lol. and here’s a quick write-up of what happens to your stupid body when your stupid brain tells it to jump into a fucking frozen lake.
so I guess that’s it for this post. I need to start wrapping up for work. it”s takes an extra ten or so minutes just to get dressed. and another 10-30 minutes if you park outside to get your car functioning. I hate this place.