perspectives. things can be radically different with even just a slight alter in paradigm, or even from a tiny change of information held. small nuggets of knowledge, observations, or experiences can cause radical shifts if opinions.
I have to be more cryptic than usual (woah boy!) out of respect to the other party involved. but I feel guilty. I feel like I’ve been accidentally deceptive. I know I haven’t been, but I still feel like I have. and we all know what great of friends Guilt and I are.
as some of you know, money has been really tight these last few months. we expected me to be unemployed, at most, for three months. but here it is, six months later, and I am only just now acquiring a regular income. this means we’ve been living on a tight budget recently. but that does not mean we are impoverish.
prior to this occupational dry spell, Brian and I had comfortable lives. we had food on our plates, beds under our heads, and chairs under our butts — all while being able to afford to occasional monetary splurge or adventure; also concurrent with ensuring our past debts were being lessened, and that I acquired the necessary doctor visits and medications to ensure I stayed alive and (all things considered) well.
but then we had our income almost literally halved. so the month-to-month, week-to-week, and even day-to-day expenses were nigh destroyed. I still had my badass couch and television, Brian still had his tv and computer, and we had all of our ridiculous toys and games and books — because it was all already paid off.
what we didn’t have or had to struggle to afford was food for the week, gas in the car for the trips to work, any kind of medical expenses (docs, meds, even my chiropractic care had to be dissolved). everything we already worked for, we of course had no problem keeping. it was stuff we needed to acquire in the present or future that we couldn’t manage — because we didn’t have the income.
and really, we are still struggling. tmrw, I should be getting my second paycheck since moving our now-frozen asses up here, over six months ago. all savings are gone (including the OMG-WE-LITERALLY-MAY-STARVE $100 bill from my Dad he gave me over a decade ago). and throughout all this, we (this includes Zero) still need to eat.
but when you come to our home, it doesn’t look like there were a few weeks when literally every meal was the 10- to 20-cent packs of ramen (10-cent in LA, 20-cent in MN — because metropolises).
so what is the point of all this?
well, I have had the opportunity to become very good friendly acquaintances with an adult member of a family up here. releasing as little info as possible: said family is moving into a smaller living space, and money has become very tight for it. said family has multiple times offered to give us food and such. I was always reluctant to accept. but when said family disclosed to me their living accommodations changed, we saw an opportunity for “Team Ow to get more” and for “moving family to have/move less”.
however, the insecurity within me fears that said family may see me as being two-faced or deceptive. as in, “how could this couple not afford food when they can afford a living space and elements as spacious and robust as this?”
in a futile attempt to disillusion any concept this family unit had of our living area, I believe I may have accidentally offended them — as foolishly as always, “open foot, insert mouth”, as the saying is twisted.
and now, I may have lost a potential Friend up here.
I helped a small family to move.
I got paranoid of their perceptions of me.
I made things worse by trying to make them better.
I probably have thus acquired an enemy rather than a friend.
Goal utterly Failed