back to business

after Tough Mudder, Brian and I got sick (he’s still struggling with his ear infection); shortly after that, I hurt my shoulder somehow.  and then for at least a month before all that, my car was constantly in and out of the shop for one reason or another.

well, things are finally starting to settle down.  I’m going back to 9Round (my cardio kickboxing classes) as of yesterday.  I’m eating more healthily and am tracking it again (with the exception of chewing gum).  I’m starting back on my Duolingo to re-learn Spanish for work.  I’m getting up and going to bed at somewhat regular times.  et cetera, et cetera.

which is good.  because my weight and fitness are horrid at this point.  I’m only twenty pounds lighter than my boyfriend who is over six inches taller than me and has a stockier build.  twenty pounds — that’s all.  that’s not enough.  I’ve really let myself go.

I snack too much, for one thing.  I used to either have dinner or snack, not both.  I need to get back into that system.  or into something.  I just need to do better.

I finally got around to doing chores at the apartment.  it had been at least two weeks since it really got the attention it needed, due to our being so ill and icky.  but this past weekend, we both did a lot of chores.  (thank you, Brian!)

I’m hoping (as ever) to get onto a blogging schedule.  it’s just hard with my life schedule changing so much.

I need to do some creative writing.  I haven’t done that in ages.  because I know I suck at it these days — and I hate doing things at which I’m no good.

work’s okay.  ups and downs.  almost done finding a bunch of bookkeeping and client-balance errors, which has been my big personal project.  when I thanked one of the attorneys (the one is not either partner), he thanked me in return because apparently none of the Office Managers before me ever bothered to sort this stuff out.  so that made me feel competent.  🙂

I suppose that’s it for now.  I have one more big piece of news, but there are pictures that go with it that I don’t have access to at the moment.  so we’ll hold off on that update for a little bit…

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snow-globe

I am a paltry human,apocalypse-snow-globe
invisible to the viewer, my existence not even guaranteed.

I am a window in a building,
black glass with white splotches on the seal.

I am a tiny structure,
my roof barely peaking high enough to be seen.

I am a block in a neighbourhood,
where homely warmth is only pretend.

I am a small city,
locked away inside a semi-circle.

I am a snow-globe,
and nothing inside me is really of any concern.

 

 

a secret

I fear that each day, I am drained further and further of my Words and Meanings. until by the end of it all, I will be Dry, Empty, and Speechless.

new stage, new title?

I have used the handle “jtggod”, “jtggodqos “, and other similar or related iterations for many, many years now. for those who don’t know, the letter combination is quite specific: “jtggodqos” = “James the Greatest”, “Goddess of Death”, “Queen of Spades”. these were my nicknames, my titles, that I’ve held from middle school through college, and even several years afterwards.

but what about now. I’m at a new stage of my life, and I’m thinking it’s time for a new name, a new persona of sorts.

I’ll keep this until i find something that really fits. because when I do, my entire online identity will be altered, in one manner or another….

I’m actually really quite excited about this. 🙂

my and this blog’s Purpose(s)

why did I start this blog?  what is my purpose in trying to post at least twice a week, in trying to collect a wide base of readers and fellow bloggers?  who am I to share this information, describe these experiences?

 

why am I writing?

I started a LiveJournal account back in … damn, May 2003.  I was pretty religious in my posting for many, many years.  I had almost 3k posts, with over 10,500 comments from others.  I still post on it sporadically.  but that was a journal.  I want this to be more.

I want to not only share my experiences regarding my mental disorders, my addictions, and my other physical and emotional struggles.  however, I also want to share my fandoms of games, movies, shows, and books.  I want people from home to learn of my adventures here in the north; and I want northerns to read about my transition to the “great white north” (lol).

but most importantly, I want to spread the knowledge of mental health and destroy the stigmas about those of us who don’t necessarily have all or our screws fully attached.  I want to give the same strength and inspiration to people that fellow bloggers and authors do — Jenny Lawson, Ellen Hopkins, Marya Hornbacher, Kay Redfield Jamison, Steven Levenkron, Natasha Friend, and countless others.

so I guess that’s the why.

 

who the fuck am I?

my name is James.  I’m a (as of Jan 2016) 29-year-old female.  in August 2015, I moved from deep southern Louisiana up to Minneapolism Minnesota when my boyfriend of five years got a job after earning his graduate degree.  I’ve had a wide range of jobs and experiences in the past — college campus security guard, heliport manager, writer, comic artist, professional photographer, bookseller, manager, dock worker, stable hand, librarian, Japanese-expo convention staff, countless and varied volunteer work, et cetera et cetera.  but among this all, I’ve struggled with intense mental and emotional disorders, as well as a generally broken and malfunctioning physical body.  (see Christine Miserandino’s “Spoon Theory” to see how closely those two kinds of ailments are interrelated.)

I suppose I could list my more dominant and overpowering struggles:

  • addiction
  • adult ADHD
  • anemia
  • bipolar I/manic depression
  • cervical hypolordosis & lumbar lordosis (spinal issues)
  • convulsive syncope (stroke-like event)
  • severe floating meniscus (in both knees)
  • generalized anxiety
  • obsessive compulsive disorder
  • self-injury (mainly cutting, bruising, and starving)
  • many sleeping disorders (including insomnia, rapid eye movement behaviour disorder, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, hyperactive REM, etc.)
  • many minor-to-moderate issues (such as: eating disorder, asthma, borderline personality, kleptomaniac tendencies, etc.)
  • and other fun shit I’m too lazy to think up and list

I’ve been going to counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, chiropractors, specialists, and a ton of other people who stick random letters behind their name, suggesting they can figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.  of course, they are rarely successful; but it’s taught me to look for ways to “make things better” rather than find a “solution” or something.  ::shrugs::

I also have friends who have suffered some of the above, as well as things with which I was previously familiar before befriending them.  hell, my boyfriend with whom I lived for a year or so was a legit paranoid-schizophrenic — that was a rough ride!

on the fun side of life, I’m a nerd.  I’m a scholar, I’m curious, and I love information and learning.  I’m a fan of teen and young adult media, as well as science fiction, fantasy, drama, action/adventure, horror, and just fucking obscure or meta.  as aforementioned, I was even on staff many years for Louisiana’s largest and longest-running weekend-long anime convention.  I’m an avid reader, but also a heavy video gamer.  I love cars, motorcycles, technology, and other machines.  I also like to dress up once in a while, or just feel kinda pretty and “fancy as fuck”, as my friends have said over the years.  I’m an adrenaline junkie who will climb to the top and jump, or go as fast as physically possible; I love the outdoors, and the sun revives me like almost nothing else.  I’m a Crazy Cat Lady in progress, but I also love all animals (except ants — fuck ants!).  really, I dabble in everything — a Jill-of-All-Trades, if you will.

so that’s me.  ::shrugs::

 

TL;DR

I’m a female nerd in my late-twenties who’s really fucking up in the head and has a broken body — and this blog is me sharing my Story with the world.

 


WordPress University: Blogging 101

Day One: Introduce Yourself to the World

// from an assignment for
WordPress’s “Blogging University: Blogging 101
January 2016 course //

WordPress Annual Report

many social networks have started doing this “year in review” thing for the account(s) you have with them.  WordPress has been doing that for a few years now, too.  and here are mine: 2015 and 2014.  (I started here in Sept 2014, I think.)

to find your own WordPress stats, just log in and enter the appropriate address: https://YourSite.wordpress.com/Year/annual-report/ .  for example, my 2015 annual report is at the following link: https://anothercrackedbelle.wordpress.com/2015/annual-report/ .  so feel free to share with your readers your progress.

my goal for 2016 is to post approximately twice a week, aiming for Tuesday and Thursday.  I may have a few more than two a week, or maybe just one.  but by the end of the year, I want a handful of over 100 new posts to be made (52 weeks in a year).

anybody else have any blogging  (or writing) goals??

a second blog??

as many of yoy know, I moved from the deep Cajun country of Louisiana up to Minneapolis, Minnesota, in August 2015. however, prior to my move, several friends suggested I should start chronicling my adventures up here in yankee territory.  well, I can’t even keep up with this blog, much less atart a whole ‘nother one. still, I pondered on the thought for a while.

and I continue to. should I create a whole new blog for my attempts to understand those about I-10? or should I metely use tags and/or categories in this current blog? by doing the latter, I do risk having people read some of the more darker things about myself whom I may may otherwise rather not. then again, maybe it’s time I start being honest with everyone about my status and ecforts — especially with myself…..