apparently I’m a “Social Liberalist”

I don’t do political shit on here often, just because politics and religion are messy topics and aren’t the purpose of my blog. however, I did find the below quiz self-informative and engaging.

8values dot github dot io

I, personally, think it’s pretty accurate.  and my guy Brian agrees.  my cat Zero has no opinion.

so there. now you know a little more about me. 🙂

I think It’s coming back

I’m doing Nerd Fitness again, as previously mentioned.  and I have caloric goals included.  well, Monday and Tuesday, I went way over my caloric limit.  so yesterday, when Brian mentioned Taco Bell, I just resign to another bad day of eating, deciding to not get as much as I usually do; but I got excited, because I personally love the taste of what I get from Taco Bell.  well, then Brian backtracks, and says we shouldn’t, for monetary and caloric reasons.  so then I’m resigning to not have tasty food, but instead a can of soup.  shortly after I express my disappointment and acceptance, Brian says that maybe we can go and just get less than we normally do.

I was Done.

Brian does this thing where he keeps providing options even after a decision has been made.  I’m all about multiple options and comparing them to find the best one.  but sometimes I’m too tired to keep comparing and re-deciding, and he just exhausts me.  so I just tell him that I’m Done, meaning he now has to make the decision solo because I’m so frustrated and anxious with the whole thing that I don’t even want to do it (eat, go out, watch something, whatever) at all anymore.  and that’s not fair to him, I know; but my brain just shuts down after that Option Paralysis situation.

so that’s what happened here — I was just Done.  so we get home, and I just go strait to sleep.  I didn’t eat anything.  this morning, I had a large bowl of cereal.  I’ve purposely left my lunch at home, so that I may eat it tonight.

when I lived alone, I usually didn’t eat dinner.  that’s one method of how I prevented myself from gaining weight.  but living with him, he has dinner every night; and I have a seafood diet — I see food, I want to eat.  so when he has dinner I get pseudo-hungry (because my stomach and body don’t actually need anymore calories); and then I eat.

so I’m going to try no lunches.  people who do Intermittent Fasting skip meals all the time.  so I’m going to lean on that crutch as I feed back in my eating disorder.

yeah, that’s where this whole entry is going — back to my ED.

I forgot how great it felt to really control something again.  I am going to decide when I eat, what I eat, and even if I eat.  I’m going to get my ropes back.  and I’m stoked.

there’s certain physical attributes and sensations that also excite me.  I always feel lighter when I skip meals.  my insides are more vacant, they’re airy.  I walk lighter; I almost float.  I’m excited for it to be a meal time so that I may say no.  and I love when my stomach tries to plead it’s case about being hungry and empty; I kindly remind it that it’s been trained poorly, and it doesn’t need nearly as much food as it’s become accustomed to receiving.  again, I am in control.

so yeah, I think It’s coming back.  that wonderful sensation of control, of being lightweight, of just generally being better.

I have to be careful, though.  I can’t let It take the control as it once did.  I have to remain in charge.  I have to guide It to a happy medium between us.  and I really think I can; honestly.

Nerd Fitness Challenge Goals

I used to participate in Nerd Fitness Challenges every seven weeks.  I have been doing that for years.  since moving up here, however, I’ve stopped.  I tried a few times, and failed.  well, I’m trying again.

below is my write-up of my Goals for this Challenge.

and if you want to know more about what Nerd Fitness and its community is, please feel free to ask!  😀

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reblogged: “You Won’t Find A Single Road In This Water Village”

so this is where I want to live now.

Wikie Pedia

Dutch-Venice-Giethoorn-front

A village, where there are no roads, no cars, no traffic, and ducks are the loudest sound you’ll hear. This is Giethoorn, in the Netherlands.

1Its first inhabitants (around 1230) found peat deposits and dug so many holes they turned into lakes and canals.

2

Walking paths and around 180 wooden bridges. That’s how people get around there. No roads. No cars. No traffic. Can you even imagine? duck

The village website says “the loudest sound you can normally hear is the quacking of a duck or the noise made by other birds.”4

People use “whisper boats,” which are boats with noiseless engines. There’s also a Canal Cruise by water bus. winter

The best part is that in winter when the boats can’t sail, residents just grab their ice skates to nip down the shops.

6

August is the busiest tourist month, in case you’re not big on crowds. The town…

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happy 18th birthday, LiveJournal

reblogged: “Justify”

this echoes my thoughts about leaving Louisiana….

Eyes + Words

Written by Jacob Ibrag

‘How do we know if what we’re doing is right?’

As we drove along the coastline sky, I couldn’t help but

think of the life we left behind. ‘It isn’t anything except a

story we tell ourselves to justify our flight. Maybe we ran

away because we could, maybe we ran away to survive.’


Photographer Unknown

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reblogged: “When ‘Sacred’ Sex Goes South”

the following text is an excerpt from Danielle Laporte’s newest book White Hot Truth.  I don’t always agree with everything she says, but I do love this article a lot.

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