disclaimer

this is not an inspirational blog.  this is not a topic-specific blog.  more than anything, this is more of a journal than a “blog”.  if that doesn’t interest you, then stop reading.

the prime topics in this blog are my Depression and my Addictions, as they tend to consume my entire life.  other topics may include writing, books, video games, canoeing, sports, television shows, writing, and my multitude of other misadventures.

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Monthly Consumptions: June 2019

I’m going to try another regular posting series (HA!). it’s an very abbreviated list of my media consumables each month that were deemed interesting or noteworthy.

(delivery and formatting may change over time. but for now, I’ll just word dump stuff, lol.)

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Building Greater Self-Reliance: Day 07

31 Journaling Prompts for Building Greater Self-Reliance:  Day 07

Ultimately, we come to self-reliance by forgetting ourselves. It’s the kind of self-trust many new parents feel because they finally have this thing outside themselves that matters much more than themselves. We can access it by caring about anything properly (a project, a movement, an idea, a person, etc.).

Milton Mayeroff describes this dynamic in On Caring:

“Direction that comes from the growth of the other should not be confused with being ‘other directed,’ where this refers to the kind of conformity in which I lose touch with both myself and the other. Rather, by following the growth of the other, I am more responsive to myself, just as the musician is more in touch with himself when he is absorbed in the needs of the music.”

Ironically, no matter how physically self-reliant we become, if we never truly care for something outside of ourselves we’ll never become self-reliant.

What do you care most about? As in, what do you give yourself to most freely? How could you care for it a little more perfectly? How does caring for this thing outside yourself actually help you trust yourself more?

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30-Day Minimalism Game

starting tomorrow, I’ll be playing a game for the entire month of June. it’s call the “30-Day Minimalism Game”. the full details are available here. but as for the TL;DR version: get rid of one item on day one, two items on day two, three items on day three, etc.

and if my math is right, that would 465 items by the end of everything. heh, I know me. I won’t get past day ten (and that’s being generous!) for a number of reasons — the main two being that A] I have commitment issues, and B] I can’t get rid of that much stuff in a single moment.

but even if I just get to day five, I will have already gotten rid of 15 items! so it’s worth it to even just start.

I’ve seemed to have talked my mother into doing it with me. which is rad — because Accountabilibudies FTW. we’re going to share photos with one another of what we select. we are also going to tweak one of the rules: the items do not have to leave by midnight. our schedules and/or transportation situations do not allow for that.

also, I think it would be cool to chronicle here the shit I get rid of. so that’s what I’ll do below. by dropping it here, I’m not clogging your feed each day with a new list of items I’m donating, giving away, or tossing out. (I will try to remember to make a “final haul” or recap post of sorts, linking back to here if necessary.)

if you’re interested in joining in, just let me know and in what capacity. otherwise, enjoy the ride!

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Building Greater Self-Reliance: Day 06

31 Journaling Prompts for Building Greater Self-Reliance:  Day 06

“These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world.”

― Emerson

Self-reliance often means following our quiet, inner voice more faithfully. It means not just listening to what we say, or even to what we think, but paying more attention to what usually lies beneath our consciousness. Picasso himself knew that what he wanted to express wasn’t his own idea.

“To know what you’re going to draw, you have to begin drawing. . . . When I find myself facing a blank page, that’s always going through my head. What I capture in spite of myself interests me more than my own ideas.”

― Picasso

Picasso wasn’t aiming to express his ideas but ideas that seemed to be beyond him. He understood that self-reliance wasn’t about absolute control and knowing the answer ahead of time, but diving into the unknown and trusting himself to navigate.

Write about a time you listened to that inner voice, then a time you ignored it. How did each turn out? How did the conversations with your inner voice differ? How can you become better attuned to those subtle nudgings?

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“Wild Geese”

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

photo drop: escape room aftermath

2019-05-18: Brian, James, and Linnea

I haven’t posted any images here in a while. this is Brian, Linnea, and myself narrowly escaping from the “Do Not Disturb” escape room at Breakout in the Ridgedale Center near us.

no spoilers. but it was great. try to go with a smaller group. it was just the three of us in the room, and we agree that even more person would have make it too cramped. the room is small — but in a creepily cozy sort of way.

anyway. Linnea is basically my best friend up here. so it was pleasure to pop her escape room cherry. 😉 she seemed to really enjoy it, too.

LaPorte, Danielle – “Desire Map for Living”

Danielle LaPorte again, this time posing eight quick question-answer pieces she presents in a very recent collection of short videos (like, less-than-five-minutes kind of short) as part of an IGTV series entitled “Desire Map for Living”.

below are my personal musings, with a link to each video that expounds on the highlighted question. it’s not much, but I’m just trying to get posting again — so have just some fucking patience with me. 😉

1] Even Deeper Gratitude

What am I taking for granted?

  • my intelligence: because of my intelligence, I am able to make improvements in my life and avoid making horrible mistakes.
  • MN public transportation: it really is a life-saver between my times of inability to drive and my times of disinterest in driving. and it’s a great system up here; one of the best in the nation.
  • the Sun: You glorious thing, You. welcome back to my life. I haven’t gone out and fully enjoyed You just yet. my apologies.

2] What I Trust

What do you know to be true right now?

  • I will never run out of cat hair, thanks to Zero.
  • I am granted unconditional love from Brian, Mum, and Tiger.
  • I am also granted love from FatherPerson, JennaLee, Sheila, and (as best as he can) Zero.
  • I have thus far always gotten back Up, despite the number of times I had already been knocked Down.
  • I am presently and usually exhausted — but I am not absolutely, constantly exhausted.

3] Reframing

What do you want that you already have?

  • more time: I am simply mismanaging the time I already have.
  • control over/in my life: I can (at least somewhat) easily alter many things in it right now — via a change in jobs, increased volunteer work, finding new MeetUp groups, discovering new places on my own, et cetera.

4] Feeling Anticipation

What is something upcoming that is presently causing you negative anticipation?

  • the Project: I am presently anxious, self-doubting, prematurely regretful, and prematurely exhausted.
    • I want to be successful and find something that will make me happy in the long-run.
    • going into the Project with confidence would encourage these results.
  • the Visit: I am pessimistic and resentful.
    • I want to enjoy myself and see this as an opportunity and not a requirement.
    • I should change my focus and mindset approach.

5] Unpleasurable Feelings

Make a list of negative feelings you can recall from a past event, then eclipse them with their contrasting positive.

  • weak: strong
  • out of control: in control
  • helpless: capable
  • mad: containable
  • petty: appreciative and wise
  • unimportant: valued

6] Inner Child Exercise

What does your Inner Child need to feel in each of the following areas of life?

  • relationship and society: my Inner Child (IC) wants to make a difference to others, to help and be of service to others. the goal is not to then become important to those people — but it is a great bonus by-product.
  • body and wellness: my IC wants to run and play, be active and enjoy that precise moment of life.
  • livelihood and lifestyle: my IC is not very needy. it just wants enough to survive somewhat comfortably.
  • creativity and learning: my IC loves to explore and learn and play. IC loves going on great adventures, or even find solutions to problems close to home.
  • essences and spirituality: my IC is connected to all things. an omni-relationship with all forces of life encourages my IC to keep on trucking in its own life.

7] Superhero Exercise

How does your Inner Superhero need to feel in each life areas?

  • relationship and society: my Superhero (SH) is dedicated steadfastly to being useful and helpful to both others and itself.
  • body and wellness: my SH is strong and capable, yet still limber and embracing of the possible. my SH takes good care of itself, without fretting over the minor stuff.
  • livelihood and lifestyle: my SH is comfortable and happy. it does not need much. and when it does have a need, it fulfills it promptly and confidently, without shame or anxiety.
  • creativity and learning: my SH may not have all the answers, but it at least tries to locate them. ever growing, ever willing to change for the better, my SH advances consistently as if in an RPG.
  • essences and spirituality: via its connection with the “local” population, the surrounding life forces, and both its natural and its man-man environments, my SH is able to aid all involved compassionately and effectively.

8] Future Self Exercise

How is your Future Self already feeling in each life area?

  • relationship and society: my FS has a strong social group again at whatever location its living, but still holds on to the important ties from its past.
  • body and wellness: my FS is still working on my body and my health. it has not given up hope on getting and feeling better.
  • livelihood and lifestyle: my FS is doing things it enjoys in its free time and during its work time. it appreciates and values its present career, rather than just tolerates it.
  • creativity and learning: my FS is still such an information- and learning-junkie. constantly researching and sharing what it learn, my FS has really started making a difference in the lives of others.
  • essences and spirituality: that same connection with all things stands strong in my FS. it uses this bond to grow in itself and to assist with the growth of others.